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View Full Version : Ripped from the headlines The "what a dumbass" thread



Daisy Hill
07.21.08, 02:37 PM
I tried to search for a Darwin awards thread (which I thought I remembered out there somewhere) but it didn't turn up after a search...if there is one, somebody move this there for me, would ya?

So here goes...

(AP)

San Louis Obispo, Calif.- Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. Mathew Craig Pillers and Jack Brent Keiffer pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge.

Prosecutors say the 22-year-old Pillers, a parolee, was sentenced to two years in prison and the 19-year-old Keiffer got 45 days in San Luis Obispo County jail.

Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire Jan 18. Tuleja has second egree burns on his testicles.



So wtf did these guys think was going to happen when they set the guy on fire? There's drunk, and there's very drunk, but roasting your buddy's weinie drunk?.....that's "bum drunk"! :wtf:

WinterlessIceness
07.21.08, 03:10 PM
Lol, reminds me of a story my mate told me yesterday about one of his old house-parties.

Basically this girl passed out and this guy decided to wake her up by farting into her face. So he pulled down his pants, did the 'job' but not only the girl didn't wake up, a bit of his well, 'crap' stuck right on her face. So they were like thinking, wake her up and tell her, or just leave her be? After awhile they decided on the former, and when the poor sould learned about what had happened she slapped the guy (who in his defence said "I was only trying to fart in your face!" :wtf: :D ) . But because she slapped him he shat into her shoe in the morning as a payback.

Fucking dickheads :D

chefcraig
07.21.08, 03:30 PM
Break-in suspects found asleep on stolen goods

MONROE, Wash. - Police say a trail of pillows and backpacks led to two sleeping men who were arrested after a department store break-in. Kyle Burress, 25, and Allen Pierce, 27, have been charged with second-degree burglary.

Police spokeswoman Debbie Willis says a break-in was discovered July 9 at a Fred Meyer department store northeast of Seattle. The two were still being held on bail Monday, and it was not clear whether they had lawyers.

Willis says police followed a trail of cardboard and items from storage containers in a locked area behind the store that led to the two men. One was sleeping in a stolen hammock and the other on a pile of stolen pillows.

Police photographed the men before waking and arresting them.

Willis says alcohol was involved. (What a shock! :rolleyes: )

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080721/ap_on_fe_st/odd_sleeping_on_loot

atomic_punk
07.21.08, 04:18 PM
Lol, reminds me of a story my mate told me yesterday about one of his old house-parties.

Basically this girl passed out and this guy decided to wake her up by farting into her face. So he pulled down his pants, did the 'job' but not only the girl didn't wake up, a bit of his well, 'crap' stuck right on her face. So they were like thinking, wake her up and tell her, or just leave her be? After awhile they decided on the former, and when the poor sould learned about what had happened she slapped the guy (who in his defence said "I was only trying to fart in your face!" :wtf: :D ) . But because she slapped him he shat into her shoe in the morning as a payback.

Fucking dickheads :D

Kinda like when a girl, who's a friend of a friend of mine, was dumped by a guy. She got so mad that she shit in a box and sent the box by mail to the guy. Fuckin classic... :thumb:

ZeoBandit
07.21.08, 04:35 PM
I tried to search for a Darwin awards thread (which I thought I remembered out there somewhere) but it didn't turn up after a search...if there is one, somebody move this there for me, would ya?


Here it is for you:

http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/the-charles-darwin-awards-thread-t34246.html?t=34246&highlight=Darwin+award

:thumb:

Daisy Hill
07.21.08, 05:42 PM
How did you find that Zeo? I searched using both "darwin" and "darwin awards" and nothing came up......? maybe this should be the "dumbass who can't find the thread, thread!"

chefcraig
07.21.08, 05:45 PM
How did you find that Zeo? I searched using both "darwin" and "darwin awards" and nothing came up......? maybe this should be the "dumbass who can't find the thread, thread!"

Apparently you needed to capitalize "Darwin" in the phrase "darwin awards". It comes up on the second page of results. :thumb:

Daisy Hill
07.21.08, 06:31 PM
CapItaliZation wHat a ConCEpt! LOL

DBC
07.21.08, 09:13 PM
the pop-up blocker I've got installed on my laptop gives me a pop-up to notify me when it has blocked a pop-up, complete with a little x in the corner so I can close it. that must be some kind of contender

ZeoBandit
07.22.08, 05:11 AM
I searched for Darwin Awards in this forum only and it was the fourth or fifth result that came back.

Daisy Hill
07.22.08, 01:50 PM
along the vien of "what a dumbass" I did some reconnoitering around here and found the "search" function under Forums "stage left" can't believe I never noticed it before :o .....I always ntoice the "search" box in the upper right hand corner and it didn't find anything for me....in fact when I inputted something that I knew it should find, it found nothing.....sooooo what does that little box in the upper right hand corner do anyway? :confused:

Anybody?

Viking
07.22.08, 03:41 PM
I used to have an article about a guy that went over in his boat with about a case of beer in a backpack. They found the guy at the bottom of the lake with his beer securely attached to him.

chefcraig
07.23.08, 09:47 AM
along the vien of "what a dumbass" I did some reconnoitering around here and found the "search" function under Forums "stage left" can't believe I never noticed it before :o .....I always ntoice the "search" box in the upper right hand corner and it didn't find anything for me....in fact when I inputted something that I knew it should find, it found nothing.....sooooo what does that little box in the upper right hand corner do anyway? :confused:

Anybody?

The one in the extreme upper left is more or less like one of those scoops you could glue on the hood of your car in the seventies: it looks cool, yet does nothing.

Your best bet is either the one in each individual forum or thread, if you can narrow down your search that far. Otherwise the one in the black bar is the only choice for desired results.

And as for a search in "Stage Left", I have no clue as to what you are referring to.

Daisy Hill
07.23.08, 11:54 AM
The one in the extreme upper left is more or less like one of those scoops you could glue on the hood of your car in the seventies: it looks cool, yet does nothing.

Your best bet is either the one in each individual forum or thread, if you can narrow down your search that far. Otherwise the one in the black bar is the only choice for desired results.

And as for a search in "Stage Left", I have no clue as to what you are referring to.

scoops! Gawd! I haven't thought of those in years...or louvered hatchback windows either!

Thanks Chef.....the "stage left" I was referring to is on the main page of vhlinks....you know the one that has the headline "Van Halen 2007 makes its debut"? and the pic of Eddie and Dave? Says "forums" "register" and "search"?

You probably haven't been there in years! It only exists for the newbies, I think! :p

VanHalenRules
07.23.08, 12:00 PM
scoops! Gawd! I haven't thought of those in years...or louvered hatchback windows either!

Thanks Chef.....the "stage left" I was referring to is on the main page of vhlinks....you know the one that has the headline "Van Halen 2007 makes its debut"? and the pic of Eddie and Dave? Says "forums" "register" and "search"?

You probably haven't been there in years! It only exists for the newbies, I think! :p

This place has a main page?:D

Daisy Hill
07.30.08, 03:20 PM
the people of gotham city can rest easy...the joker has been arrested...or at least some dumbass who dressed up like the joker to commit larcency in Three Rivers Michigan

Three Rivers Michigan (AP)

Police in Michigan have arrested a man who they say tried to steal posters and other items related to the new Batman movie from a cinema lobby while dressed as the Joker.

Detective Mike Mahoney said Monday 20-year-old Spencer Taylor of Three Rivers has been booked for investigation of larceny and malicious destruction of property.

Taylor is scheduled to be arraigned Aug 5 in Joseph County District Court.

Mahoney says officers who were dispatched early Sunday to the theater arrived to find employees restraining a man wearing a purple suit, a green wig and face paint in the style of batman's nemesis in "The Dark Night"


His parents must be mortified


booking photo (s)

Daisy Hill
08.03.08, 05:52 AM
Ohio robbery suspect drives away in police cruiser

Dayton Daily News

Police near Dayton say a woman suspected of wielding a hammer while robbing a gas station slipped out of her handcuffs, stole a police cruiser and led officers on a high-speed chase.

Englewood police Sergeant Mike Lang says 31-year-old Amber O'Malley used the hammer to rob a Marathon station in Englewood, a suburb of Dayton, yesterday morning.

Dayton Police tracked her down and arrested her. Englewoood police drove up a short time later, placed O'Malley in handcuffs and locked her in the back of a cruiser.

Police say somehow O'Malley got out of the handcuffs and sped away in the cruiser as an officer reached through the window to stop her.

Englewood officers tracked the car, which is equipped with global positioning equipment, and arrested her soon after.



Ok, kids, listen up.....first rule in the getaway car driver's handbook....be inconspicuous.:rolleyes:

Viking
08.03.08, 06:34 AM
I used to have an article about a guy that went over in his boat with about a case of beer in a backpack. They found the guy at the bottom of the lake with his beer securely attached to him.

http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm76/BaldViking/Dumbass-1.jpg

Okay, so it was closer to 2 cases!

ZeoBandit
08.04.08, 05:50 AM
DUMBASS!!!!! You can always get more beer!!!!

Viking
08.04.08, 06:10 AM
I've been thinking about this. The article doesn't read 40 beers, it says 40 lbs. of beer. Beer usually comes in a 12 oz container, which is 3/4 of a lb. so we're looking at 50+ beers or just over 2 cases. :wtf:

Daisy Hill
08.04.08, 01:08 PM
40 pounds...yeah I noticed that when you posted it and thought, who in their right mind would jump in the water carrying 40 pounds of anything?.....who can even run very far lugging 40 pounds of stuff?

sounds kind of like this guy wouldn't have done too well with the old Letterman game "Will it float?"....

LLFHS
08.04.08, 04:40 PM
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm76/BaldViking/Dumbass-1.jpg

Okay, so it was closer to 2 cases!

Yow. Looks like it could be Red Forman!

http://members.arstechnica.com/x/joshb/red_forman.jpg

VH Wahoo
08.05.08, 07:00 AM
A future Darwin Awards candidate, for sure! :scared:

Latest excuse for driving 80 mph in wrong lane? Texting

A 25-year-old driver in Cass County offered a lesson Sunday in what not to do while driving.

When pulled over by a sheriff's deputy, not only was he traveling at speeds near 80 miles per hour, but he also said he'd drifted into the wrong lane because he was text-messaging, the Minnesota Department of Public Safety said Monday. As if that weren't enough, he was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving.

"This is the kind of traffic event where almost everything that could go wrong, did go wrong," said Nathan Bowie, a spokesman for the Department of Public Safety. "Fortunately, the officer was there to make the stop before anything else happened."

The arrest came just two days after enactment of a state law that makes it illegal for drivers to text-message while operating a vehicle that is moving or in traffic.

The driver was traveling in the wrong lane when he approached the Cass County deputy's squad car on Hwy. 371 near Walker. The driver swerved to avoid hitting the squad car, then took off at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour before pulling over.

"You had the perfect recipe for a crash," Bowie said.

The patrol was part of Operation NightCAP, a twice-monthly operation that focuses on catching drunk drivers. According to the Department of Public Safety, distractions such as texting or talking on cell phones were involved in at least 15 percent of all fatal crashes from 2005 to 2007.

http://www.startribune.com/local/26266034.html

ZeoBandit
08.05.08, 07:09 AM
Unbelievable.

VanHalenRules
08.05.08, 08:34 AM
'Local Idiot' Learns Road Closed Hard Way
Man Ignores 'Road Closed' Sign, Sees Train Destroy Truck


BELLEFONTE, Pa. -- Nathan Miller has learned the hard way that "Road Closed" signs are posted for a reason.

The 25-year-old Pennsylvania man ventured onto a closed road Sunday afternoon in search of good fishing at Bald Eagle State Park, but his pickup truck got stuck on some railroad tracks. After trying for 45 minutes to dislodge the truck, Miller said he could do nothing but step back and watch a train smash into it.

Signs clearly stated the road was closed, but Miller said he decided to "give it a shot" after hearing about the fishing spot. He has no intentions of going back.

No one was hurt, but police cited Miller for trespassing. Miller said he was "Pretty much a local idiot just trying to go fishing."

http://www.wftv.com/automotive/17097713/detail.html

VH Wahoo
08.05.08, 09:51 AM
'Local Idiot' Learns Road Closed Hard Way
Man Ignores 'Road Closed' Sign, Sees Train Destroy Truck
The 25-year-old Pennsylvania man ventured onto a closed road Sunday afternoon in search of good fishing at Bald Eagle State Park, but his pickup truck got stuck on some railroad tracks. After trying for 45 minutes to dislodge the truck, Miller said he could do nothing but step back and watch a train smash into it.

This brings up a question that has always mystified me: How exactly does one go about getting their vehicle stuck on railroad tracks? Do you brake to a halt halfway across and say "hmmmm, maybe I'll just stay here a while and see if my engine dies"? And if by some miracle it does (and you can't get restarted), can you not simply put the thing in neutral and push it off the tracks? Shouldn't be a problem on flat ground, and if it's on an incline, then gravity will do the work for you.

Anyone here ever had it happen to them?

Educate me, please! :confused:

VanHalenRules
08.05.08, 09:53 AM
This brings up a question that has always mystified me: How exactly does one go about getting their vehicle stuck on railroad tracks? Do you brake to a halt halfway across and say "hmmmm, maybe I'll just stay here a while and see if my engine dies"? And if by some miracle it does (and you can't get restarted), can you not simply put the thing in neutral and push it off the tracks? Shouldn't be a problem on flat ground, and if it's on an incline, then gravity will do the work for you.

Anyone here ever had it happen to them?

Educate me, please! :confused:


Since he was going down a road that was closed, I might presume it was because their wasn't a proper RR crossing there, and the vehicle may have "bottomed out" on the rails.

VH Wahoo
08.05.08, 10:10 AM
Since he was going down a road that was closed, I might presume it was because their wasn't a proper RR crossing there, and the vehicle may have "bottomed out" on the rails.

I can see that happening. I'm thinking alcohol may have been a factor as well. I guess I'm thinking more along the lines of your typical railroad crossing with the flashing lights, etc. Just seems to be one of those things that you see in the movies, but never in real life!

Daisy Hill
08.05.08, 10:42 AM
I can see that happening. I'm thinking alcohol may have been a factor as well. I guess I'm thinking more along the lines of your typical railroad crossing with the flashing lights, etc. Just seems to be one of those things that you see in the movies, but never in real life!



funny how that works, isn't it.....if there was a lifetime achievement award for designated driver, I would have won it....I was constantly amazed at the way my friends became completely different people when hammered...

if I'd been thinking back then, I would have started accumulating evidence against them....cuz the money I could have extorted from those formerly broke ass college students who are now pillars of their communities, would have kept me in grand style in my ocean front retirement in Costa Rica!:brickwall

SactoFan
08.05.08, 04:58 PM
the people of gotham city can rest easy...the joker has been arrested...or at least some dumbass who dressed up like the joker to commit larcency in Three Rivers Michigan

Three Rivers Michigan (AP)

Police in Michigan have arrested a man who they say tried to steal posters and other items related to the new Batman movie from a cinema lobby while dressed as the Joker.

Detective Mike Mahoney said Monday 20-year-old Spencer Taylor of Three Rivers has been booked for investigation of larceny and malicious destruction of property.

Taylor is scheduled to be arraigned Aug 5 in Joseph County District Court.

Mahoney says officers who were dispatched early Sunday to the theater arrived to find employees restraining a man wearing a purple suit, a green wig and face paint in the style of batman's nemesis in "The Dark Night"


His parents must be mortified


booking photo (s)

Tool...

SactoFan
08.05.08, 05:01 PM
I can see that happening. I'm thinking alcohol may have been a factor as well.

I think ya got it!

VanHalenRules
08.07.08, 09:23 AM
Although not strictly a true "dumbass" story, close enough.

9 Dead In Vehicle Rollover Accident


http://www.kpho.com/news/17121930/detail.html

PHOENIX -- Nine people died after an accident in Pinal County, the Arizona Department of Public Safety said.

An SUV carrying 18 people rolled on SR 79, closing the roadway for several hours, DPS said.

Nine of the passengers were injured in the collision, DPS said. They are being airlifted to an Arizona hospital.

DPS said the cause of the collision is unknown, and the investigation is ongoing.

Daisy Hill
08.07.08, 11:40 AM
what kind of SUV carries 18 people? a big passenger van I could see, but and SUV?:confused:

ZeoBandit
08.07.08, 11:53 AM
From this picture:

http://www.abc15.com/media/news/4/7/2/472e0385-3704-4ac1-83d9-e0cdb49990d2/Story.jpg

It looks like the vehicle is a Tahoe or Suburban. It sounds like they were possibly illegal aliens:

http://www.abc15.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=9012a386-02f3-409f-9fcc-877f0c6d95b3