"20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive.
Look ready to go publicly spastic. Again, "verge of tears" helps.
Fear is a great motivating factor in avoiding responsibility.

Any more tips needed, please pm me."

-graeme on the addiction to this place.

"something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
- han valen, 6.11.04

"in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
- hatchetforce, 6.7.06